I Broke Down Your Walls Again and Again

Does the fear of getting hurt go far your way of having close, loving relationships?

Protecting Your Heart

Experiencing hurtful feelings is a universal life experience. Forth the fashion in your life journey, you were injured by unkind words or scolded by a displeased parent or teacher. You may take felt betrayed by a friend, or lover, or take had your heart broken.

As these experiences happened, you began to build emotional walls to protect your eye. Over fourth dimension, your walls became taller, thicker, and stronger, and you discovered that the sting of being hurt wasn't every bit painful.

It Starts in Babyhood

Your emotional walls began structure during your childhood.

Did you abound upward in a habitation where emotions weren't rubber to feel? Or perhaps you learned how to manage your feelings to avoid disharmonize? There might accept been some abuse or trauma that you experienced?

WHATEVER YOUR REASONS FOR BUILDING THEM, THEY WERE Adept ONES.

You lot built walls so that you lot could ameliorate survive and cope in your world. These walls have immune you to function and not fall apart.

There'south Hurting in Vulnerability

Beingness VULNERABLE FEELS SO Hard Afterward Y'all'VE BEEN Hurt.

Dr. Brene Brownish writes about it in her book, "The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections, and Backbone." Chocolate-brown writes that we associate vulnerability with emotions we want to avoid such equally fear, shame, and dubiety.

She argues that when we avert these emotions, we forget that vulnerability is also the "birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity, authenticity, and honey."

When you began raising your emotional walls, you lot may have felt very vulnerable to outside forces, or to things you lot felt were out of your command.

Maybe your vulnerability came about when you experienced feeling unlovable, unworthy, or unimportant to pregnant others in your life. Whatever your experience was, it must accept felt very painful.

Keeping Low Expectations

Expect nothing, lose zero. Right? Sadly, once you've erected thick, potent emotional walls, feelings have trouble getting in or out.

You lot learn to expect little from others, and you settle for your non expressing your feelings considering talking about them makes you feel too vulnerable.

Though your walls have served as your ardent protector, they also come with a personal price.

Missing Out on Beautiful Aspects of Life

When you put walls around your heart, it is difficult to feel the emotions of others, much less your own.

Feeling a sort of emotional numbness takes over. You may have trouble identifying your feelings virtually something.

When y'all guard your emotions, you lot miss out on beautiful aspects of life, including vitality and passion. Y'all too miss out on having a loving, connected human relationship.

Signs That Yous've Built Emotional Walls

You don't experience intense joy or deep sadness.
In a relationship, your partner may doubt your honey for them.
You are an able director of your emotions so you can minimize the discomfort you lot feel when your feelings become unexpressed.
You engage in self-sabotage in your romantic relationships, ending the relationship before you tin get hurt.
People may accept told you lot that yous are "hard to read."
Living a unmarried life might be your preference.

Do any of these sound familiar? Effort to dig deep and explore if it might be possible that yous are living backside emotional walls.

Are your walls preventing you from forming a deep love connection, or the ability to experience a vital and passionate life?

Here are 5 impactful ways to interruption down your emotional walls and find deep love and connexion:

1. Find a adept therapist.

A good therapist tin can help y'all explore the reasons you may experience emotionally unsafe in relationships. In one case you lot uncover what's working deep within your subconscious and unconscious mind, you can develop the skill to ask others for what y'all desire and need to heal this childhood wound.

2. Explore the formation of your emotional walls.

Exploring the genesis of your emotional walls, and putting words to it, will help give you perspective, self-compassion, and the power to heal. When y'all were born, you weren't worried about getting your feelings injure. Your emotional armor came later. Wearing it gave you lot the strength to cope with painful feelings.

3. Identify what emotional safety would wait and experience like for y'all.

Creating emotional safety will almost often look like the contrary of your childhood feel.

If as a child you had an aroused parent, emotional prophylactic might be fostered through calm voices and patience. Or if you lot experienced unkind words, feeling safe might include positive words of affirmation. If expressing emotions was not immune in your babyhood dwelling house, feeling safe would consist of the ability to fairly express your feelings without being close down, ignored, or invalidated.

iv. If yous take a partner or spouse, begin couples therapy.

Because so much of your childhood wound plays out in your relationship with a love partner, a good couples therapist can help you larn how to communicate in a way that fosters emotional safety and healing.

Couples counseling is an splendid place to start this process and to larn how to build your new muscle to express emotion.

5. Build upward your ability to be resilient.

Building up your ability to be resilient, will allow you to bounciness dorsum from painful emotions. In an article past Tara Parker-Pope called, "How to Build Resilience in Midlife," Parker-Pope identifies these techniques for rebuilding resiliency:

Practicing Optimism
Rewrite Your Story
Don't Personalize it
Back up Others
Take Stress Breaks
Go Out of Your Comfort Zone

Deciding to tear down your emotional walls requires commitment, and practice expressing your feelings through advice in an environment that feels emotionally safe.

YOU Tin Exercise THIS!

Y'all don't have to miss out on the well-nigh beautiful aspects of your life. Acquire how yous can create emotional safety, be more than comfortable with vulnerability, and develop healthy expectations as you begin to empathise the value and importance of self-expression.

You can regain a life lived fully, vitally, and passionately, AND reap the benefits of a deeply connected relationship with your partner and loved ones.

Hi, my name is Jamie Daniel-Farrell. I'k a Licensed Spousal relationship and Family Therapist with a practice in Westlake Village, CA. Specializing in couples counseling and divorce recovery, I provide counseling services for individuals and couples who are motivated to create healthier, happier lives and relationships. If yous're set to break out of unhealthy patterns in your relationship, I would be happy to assistance! Please feel free to attain out or to call me at:

805-444-4968

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Source: https://lifeconnectionscounseling.com/5-impactful-ways-break-down-emotional-walls-find-love-connection/